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New rant, prepare the hydrogen peroxide, for this will sting!
Auto Darts and Rotten Fruit
Has anyone besides myself noticed the ability of today's drivers has exponentially decreased over the past decade or
so? But T, everyone knows that! There are teenagers out there, dumb assholes texting and gabbing on their cell phones, and
geriatrics that refuse to drive faster than 65 kilometers per hour!! What's a poor law-abiding citizen to do?
I just so happen to have an idea...
My idea is called Auto Darts. This system requires the vehicle to be equipped with a simple launching device and a remote
with a large red button in which can be utilized to activate said launching device thus projecting a small dart to hit the
offending car. So, let's pretend, one of the dumb asses mentioned in the above paragraph is at an intersection and texting,
not realizing the traffic light has turned green and they should be removing their foot from the brake pedal and applying
it to the accelerator. Instead of rear ending the bastard, simply hit a large red button and their car will obtain a new
ornament attesting to their heinous driving skills.
We know there are several different types of errors to be made as a driver. There are trivial mistakes, "what are
you thinking?!?"; mistakes, and "someone could've freakin' died!" mistakes. Therefore, Auto Darts come in
three different colors, symbolizing the various levels of idiocy.
Yellow - be careful
Orange - pay attention moron!
Red - your driving is so appalling you should go to jail
Now when a police officer sees a car covered in these ingenious devices, they'll stop the prick and give them the hellacious
ticket they deserve!
Now, I know what you're thinking, what about the rotten fruit? Where does that play into Auto Darts and sucky driving?
Well, when Auto Darts are not enough and you're cut off by some douche bag that sees fit to make a three-lane change on the
highway going 120 kilometers per hour to get to an exit a mere forty meters away, you now have to flip over the infamous remote
of the large red button and now press the large green button in order to convert the launching device into a rotten fruit
flinger.
Once the ingrate has been bombarded with fowl smelling apples they will reflect back on their actions and think to themselves,
"Wow, my driving is so bad I'm being hit with decaying apples." Maybe then, they will stop being so inattentive.
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So this is the same mini rant that's been up here since we launched the sight.
It is still pretty funny though :).
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Mini Rant
I effin hate airplane seats. They make me think
that a really pissed off guy with scoliosis made them. They are especially comfortable on a nine-hour flight.
Personally, I think it would be surprisingly more comfortable if the airline got rid of the seats and gave us 4'
poles to jam up our asses all the way to Europe. That way, after 5 hours I could just beat living hell out of the annoyingly,
incessantly talkative loud person.
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Topics
A few things we won't rant about:
How incredibly fabulous David Bowie is, gay people, and chapstick.
These are things we're sure to rant about:
Emo people, education in America, and Spanish v. French.
Have a topic you would like us to tear apart? E-mail us!! You could even use the handy dandy comment box. Please? We are
sociopathic attention whores! We revel in your feedback!
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